When Helping Hurts: One Shift Parents Can Make When Supporting a Child with OCD

Parenting a child with OCD is an act of deep love—and often, deep confusion. You want to ease their distress, reduce their anxiety, and make life feel manageable. But sometimes, the very things you do to help can unintentionally reinforce the disorder. The SPACE program (Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions) offers a powerful reframe: support doesn’t mean accommodation.

🧩 The Pitfall: Accommodating the Anxiety Instead of Supporting the Child

One of the most common traps parents fall into is accommodation—changing routines, avoiding triggers, or participating in compulsions to prevent distress. It feels compassionate in the moment. But over time, these accommodations teach the child that anxiety must be obeyed, not tolerated. The OCD grows stronger. The child grows less confident.

Examples of accommodation might include:

• Reassuring repeatedly: “Yes, you washed your hands enough.”

• Avoiding places or people that trigger obsessions.

• Participating in rituals to “keep the peace.”

  
  

These actions are understandable. But they send the message: You can’t handle this discomfort without me.

💡 The Shift: From Accommodation to Support

SPACE teaches parents to respond with supportive statements that validate the child’s feelings without reinforcing the OCD. This means saying:

“I know this is hard, and I believe you can handle it.” Instead of: “Okay, I’ll help you redo the ritual so you feel better.”

This shift is subtle but powerful. It communicates two things:

1. Empathy: You’re not minimizing their struggle.

2. Confidence: You believe in their ability to face it.

💬 Behavioral Shift: What Support Looks Like

Here are a few examples of how to shift your language and actions:

• Instead of: “I’ll check the door again so you can sleep.”

  Try: “I know you’re worried, and I trust that it’s locked.”

  
  

• Instead of: “I’ll stay with you until the feeling goes away.”

  Try: “I’m here with you, and I believe you can get through this.”

  
  

• Instead of: “Let’s skip the birthday party—it’s too triggering.”

  Try: “It’s okay to feel anxious. I’ll be nearby while you try.”

  
  

These statements honor the child’s experience without feeding the OCD.

🧠 Reframe Your Role as a Confidence Builder, Not a Safety Net

It’s easy to see yourself as the buffer between your child and their anxiety. But SPACE invites a reframe:

“I’m not here to remove the anxiety. I’m here to help my child grow through it.”

This mindset shift helps parents move from rescuing to empowering. It’s not about being less loving—it’s about being lovingly firm.

❤️ Final Thought

Supporting a child with OCD doesn’t mean eliminating their discomfort. It means showing up with empathy and confidence, even when it’s hard. SPACE gives parents the tools to do just that—because when you stop accommodating and start supporting, you help your child reclaim their strength.